Social propriety

"My story isn't pleasant, it's not harmonious like the invented stories; it tastes of folly and bewilderment, of madness and dream, like the life of all people who no longer want to lie to themselves." Hermann Hesse.

In all groups of people, from parties of friends in a restaurant to entire countries and cultures, there are appropriate modes of behaviour. Limits on what can be said and done to help avoid offending or hurting other people. But for some, they can feel very constraining.

Personally, I have a high regard for authenticity, openness and candour, and I'm not good with small talk, preferring real and slower conversation and often needing a few minutes to consider answers to questions. I hate those pregnant pauses in typical conversation when I can find myself blurting out things that are often misinterpreted and probably break the social propriety rules. I sometimes regret such occasions but not always. I'd make a terrible diplomat. I haven't always been this way, but let's just say that following the rules never produced a result for me. So I'm one of those people for whom social propriety can indeed feel constraining.

The American statesman, Bernard Baruch once said; "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." That maybe putting it a little too strongly but you get his drift.

Excessive candour and openness can be dangerous though. Of course it's important to be kind and considerate as far as possible to avoid hurting people. However I'm not sure that factual accuracy should always be sacrificed or obscured in order to avoid causing offence. With some people anyway. Short term impacts usually turn out to be worth it in the long run.
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The duplicity of behaviour that social propriety can sometimes unfortunately lead to, and my struggles in this regard, is illustrated in this picture by the two mouths and the glassy, expressionless eye that conceals what its user is really thinking.

"But then I suppose we live in the shallows of one another’s personalities and cannot really see into the depths beneath."
– Lawrence Durrell

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